how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
