you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dignity is for republicans.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
