One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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