Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
