you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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