she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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