I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
