Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
