You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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