did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
