forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
