I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's shark week go big or go home
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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