Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
