Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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