I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
