I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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