I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
