And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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