she was so not down for the gang bang
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
