I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
