New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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