I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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