a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
