So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
