I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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