Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
