I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
