I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
