Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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