woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
