He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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