can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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