quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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