Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
