shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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