I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
