My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Randomize
