If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
