isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
