ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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