I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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