I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
