I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
