If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
