Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
