At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
