somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
