I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
