Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
