Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i think i just lost a toe
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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