Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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