I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When are your genitals available?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
