new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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